I was told by someone that i'm in an existentialist funk. Maybe.
I think i've done one stupid think after the other, because I seem to think I can temporarily freeze reality by telling myself I don't care about the outcome of my action.
That used to work but doesn't seem to fly now.
Ugh.
Stupid stupid Liz.
Stupid Liz.
I miss my old job buuuut that's done.
I am in the process of TRYING to find a job that doesn't make me want to blow my brains out.
I guess I should just tell myself it's only temporary until I find something better.
Nothing says the job I take now is one I have to do for more than a month, really.
Well, that helps.
I am beginning to think my childhood is affecting me right now a lot more than before. Perhaps because I'm only really now out of it, or perhaps because I'm making excuses for myself. I hope it isn't really the latter. I just don't know how to deal with my new serious adult roles and decisions. I find myself getting tired of my responsibility and wanting to abandon it for doing nothing. Just like when I was in middle, high school, college. I failed so bad at Educate. I got tired and lazy and I guess I took advantage but I did make sure I always did my work and did it well. I guess I don't see the harm in my actions and hoped because we were 'friends' and got along, he'd be more understanding. Maybe I was just being stupid, again. Ugh.
I keep having the same dreams again. Not fun. I have the next 2 days off, sort of, really only Friday because tomorrow is errands city. Drug test(haha), driving to Bel Air, some other stuff, I'm too tired to think anymore. Right, walking Skip in the morn and eve. I don't mind that so much but it would be nice if it were just once a day
posted by Lizzae @ 8:34 PM
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