LizzaeMcLiz

If I wrote you a symphony, Just to say how much you mean to me If I told you you were beautiful Would you date me on the regular?

Sigh. I have a test tomorrow and I should be studying. I don't think it will be hard though but I should prepare regardless, right?

It's been forever since I've written on here. I guess I decided I didn't feel like sharing anymore. Which is probably healthy. I've been busy. I've been working. I work 35ish hours a week and go to school part time. I'm taking two classes: sociology and speech 101. Both simple, easy classes. I officially have a title at work. I am the Sales Operations Support Specialist. Dan is Manager, Sales Operations. I know what my title means but it doesn't really mean anything. I feel stupid saying it. At least before I could say personal assistant. Oh well. It sounds fancy. I do a lot of really random stuff. Today I got in around 9, looked up information in a database and created a spreadsheet and recorded the information I needed from the database. Then my boss boss asked me to organize "collateral" which apparently means marketing materials, and find out other necessary information for a conference next week in Georgia, I met with someone else to go over the Marketing ordering system that I'm now in charge of. How to order, track, etc. These three things took up the majority of my day. I also had lunch with Wes, who came to little italy to see me. My job is random but it's interesting and it makes me feel important. It's pretty sad that the main reason I keep this job is because it makes me feel important. Well I suppose that's not true. There's the money and secret reason number three.

It's winter time almost. Well, fall. Winter reminds me of Pat, for obvious reasons. I miss Pat. I was driving in my car yesterday, thinking about how winter reminds me of Pat, and I thought "if he were here, I think i'd want to hug him". Which may sound like a weird thought, but I think he'd understand why it isnt. I just felt like leaning into someone I trust and who I know won't hurt me. Oh well. I am sans Pat. It's all me this winter. And I'm happy. I am happier now for a longer period of time than I think I can ever remember being in my life. I am very busy but with things that are good for me, and so I feel good as a result. I don't have a lot of time to exercise but I've been eating better.

Work is exhausting and I feel like screaming "what the hell have I gotten myself into" a few dozen times a day. I feel so young and naive and self conscious at work. I feel like I'm stuck in a weird limbo where I'm living the life of an adult at work and the life of a teenager outside work. I am simultaneously extremely irresponsible and responsible. It makes my head spin sometimes. Regardless, i love my job right now. Just not for any reason anyone probably knows.

Being single isn't hard, and I know it's what's best for me...but there are definitely times where I don't like it. The other night I was at Laur's party, drinking. I got to that point where I was coming down from being drunk and I was ready to go home. Then I started thinking about when I lived in Baltimore and I'd go to a party with Dave or Raaid and at the end, I knew I was going home to fall asleep next to someone I really wanted to be with. I wasn't going home alone or crashing on someones couch or whatever. It was just a feeling I guess, it's hard to describe, but I missed it so much right then that it made me sad. I guess that's another reason I don't drink much anymore. Sometimes I just miss it. I hate wanting something I can't have. jfdjhy

That's life.

posted by Lizzae @ 5:04 PM