LizzaeMcLiz

TGI the weekend

Sigh. I'm exhausted. Mentally exhausted. I've been thinking about a lot of things, going over a lot of things in my mind, trying to sort things out so that they make sense to me and so I can just stop analyzing them. I want to just tell myself I'm the victim so it's ok to just be sad and move on and let go. I don't know why I won't just let myself be the wronged person. It's a natual part of grief and yet I won't let myself have that. Everytime I think "maybe it's just his fault", I come up with ten reasons right away why it's actually my fault. I hate that I have to work against myself. Why doesn't my body just want to do what's right for me?

Sometimes I think about the things that have gone wrong in my life, that were out of my control, and it can be kind of overwhelming. I think about all of the work I need to do to catch up with all the emotionally stable people. It makes me angry and I want to say it isn't fair that I am starting off on an unfair playing field but I can usually make that thought go away if I tell myself so many people have much worse obstacles. But that doesn't make me any less angry that I don't have the self worth I deserve, or the social skills, or even the opportunities, and that I have this inclination to love boys who can't love me. What the hell am I so afraid of that normal people aren't? What don't I see that they do?

Whatever


Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.

She said "Some days I feel like shit,
Some days I wanna quit, and just be normal for a bit,"
I don't understand why you have to always be gone,
I get along but the days always feel so long,

And, I find myself trying to stay by the phone,
'Cause your voice always helps me to not feel so alone,
But I feel like an idiot, workin' my day around the call,
But when I pick up I don't have much to say

So, I want you to know it's a little fucked up,
That I'm stuck here waiting, at times debating
Telling you that I've had it with you and your career,

Please come back home...
You know the place where you used to live,
But now, you only stop by every once and a while,
Shit, I find myself just filling my time,
With anything to keep the thought of you from my mind,
I'm doin' fine, I plan to keep it that way,
You can call me if you find that you have something to say,

I want you to know it's a little fucked up,
I'm no longer debatin', Tired of sitting and hating and making these excuses,
For why you're not around, and feeling so useless,
It seems one thing has been true all along,
You don't really know what you've got 'til it's gone,
I guess I've had it with you and your career
When you come back I won't be here

posted by Lizzae @ 11:31 AM